Honestly last the longest

Hi. 

I hope someone reads this blog, but if not, at least I can get this of my chest.

Everyone I know, except my fiancé Gabbe, thinks I'm totally well from my eating disorder, which is not try. I still fight like hell against all my anorexic thoughts. I still thing I'm fat, looks like hell and I still doesn't want to eat. But I do. I fight against the urge not to eat everyday. After every meal I get anxiety, but I hide it well. I look like I'm happy and I like my body and that I'm totally free from it, but it's a lie, everything is a lie. 

I keep up the facade because I don't want people to start worrying and stuff like that. But I want to look good when we go to Jordan in 4 weeks, so I will be counting  calories until then. But I will try to eat as much as I'm supposed to eat according to my app, which is about 1200 kcal. It's hard, but trying is good enought. 

Love 

Malin