Lunch

Hello there.

Today for lunch I had a smoothie and some salad for lunch. My memory on my phone is used up, so I won't be able to take a lot of pictures right know ... But I will try to fix it ASAP.

Here are a picture taken from my computer of my lunch smoothie. Yummy!

Love
Malin

I am so, so, so terribly sorry :( :( :(

Hello.
I am so terribly sorry that I haven't written in like forever, but I have been very busy with school and stuff.

I will try to wright a bit more, but it's a lot in school righ know :/ But soon me and mum will go to Jordan wich will be nice :D I will have free wifi so I will be able to update you guys!

Me and mum started to detox today so I will live on fresh fruit and vegetables untill we go to Jordan, both to get al the toxins out of my body and to loose a bit of weight so I will look good in a bikini ;)

We have a lot of snow here in Sweden right know witch I don't really like :/ But soon I will go to the warm and sunny jordan :)


Love
Malin

Lunch

Hi. 

For lunch today we had fries fish, potatoes and sauce, one of my favourite food in school. 

Now I only have 2 lessons left before I can go home and relax. I'm thinking about baking today actually ... 

Love 

Malin 

Training :D

Good morning! 

After a nice but sweaty gym pass I had a banana and my protein shake on my way to school. 

Love 

Malin

Afternoon snack

Hi. 

For afternoon snack I had a sandwich and a DrPepper from the school cafeteria. 

Love 

Malin 

Fucking Monday:(

Monday again :( 

I hate all schooldays for the moment, but I hate Monday's the most! I am so fucking tired of school! I would really want to stay in bed an watch house and read books instead:( 

For breakfast I had yoghurt and granola. 

My tummy hurts like hell and I'm feeling sick so it was kinda hard to eat something, but I only have myself to blame. I hurt because I eat that garlic bread yesterday, but it's totally worth it:P 

Love 

Malin 

Dinner

Hi. 

For dinner I had mozzarella sticks, fries, cheese and bacon sausage and garlic bread. And noo I did not eat all of it, but almost ;) 

For dessert I had coconut chocolate. Yummy 

Love 

Malin 

Snack

Hello. 

For afternoon snack I had a McFlurry daim deluxe. It was tasty 

Lunch

Hi. 

For lunch today we had mushroom salad with bacon and egg. It tasted really good:) 

Now we are giving Gabbe a ride to the scouts and then we are gonna go grocery shopping

Love 

Malin 

Lunch and migraine

Hi.  

After 2 hours and 15 minutes aikido we had a ceasar salad with tasted delicious. 

After lunch I was supposed to do my homework, but I have such a bad migraine so I couldn't concentrate at all so I gave up. I will do it first thing in the morning instead... 

I also thing I have PMS because my mood goes up and down all the fucking time! 

Love 

Malin 

Lunch

Hi. 

For lunch I had rice pudding with cinnamon, sugar and milk and a sandwich with Christmas ham and mustard. I don't like that school serves it in January, but it's nothing I can do about it :( 

I have an anxiety atack now, which is bad so I hope my love us finished soon so we can get the hell out of the cafeteria! 

Love 

Malin 

No blood donee:(

Hi. 

I was not allowed to give blood for two reasons. 

One: I got a tattoo less then 6 months ago

Two: I have to thin blood veins. At least something on me is too skinny :/ 

She said that I would try again in like 3 years .... 

No I'm going to school. 

Love 

Malin 

Breakfast because I give up!

Good morning. 

I wighted myself this morning and got really disappointed when instead of loosing weight, I had gained wight! And I have tried so hard to loose weight! 

Sooooo ..... 

I give up counting calories because obviously it doesn't work! 

So I will eat, but I won't eat much and see it I loose weight anyway. 

For breakfast today I had a slice protein bread with ham and cheese. 

Now I'm on my way to the bloodbuss to take same samples and stuff to se if I can become a blood donor :D 

Love 

Malin 

Lunch

Hello. 

For lunch today we had like flat meatballs, sauce, potatoes and cowberry jam. It tasted ... Okay. Except that in school, the food is like floating in grease, which is totally disgusting and makes me wanna puke of something. I didn't eat the salad because I was to full to :/ 

Now I only have one lesson left and the. I'm gonna go home and do my English book report before its time to go and assist with the aikido kids. 

Love 

Malin 

Time at the psychiatric clinic

Hi,

Sorry for not updating yesterday evening, but as I wrote, we went to Linköping to get my cousin.
I have gotten a time at the psychiatric clinic at the hospital thursday next week at 11 am. This is at the hopsital, but I will talk to the person I'm going to too see if theres a posibillity I can get my treatment at the clinic in the city instead, it's easier for me to take me there from school, which means I will probably have a easier time to find time to go there then to go to the hostital, which take like 30 minutes from school.

Love
Malin

Snacks.

Hi. 

I'm extremely tired, so I naught myself a chocolate ball, a pice of chocolate and coffe. I will probably get an anxiety attack later, but it's almost worth it .... 

Love 

Malin 

Breakups sucks :(

Hi.
My cousin just messaged me and said that she and her boyfriend, who she lived whith, broke up yesterday so we are gonna help her get her stuff out of his apartment today after school/work, so no troing today. We will probably eat at McDonalds or some other fast food restaurang, so today will be a "bad"food day, with alot of calories, but itäs worth it if we can make it easier for my dearest and most favorite cousin.

All my love to you Petra <3 <3 <3 <3

Slippery morning

Good morning. 

It's extremely slippery today, so you have to walk extremely careful! 

For breakfast today I had a grapefruit and a cup of coffee with milk. 

It was good, but I almost didn't eat the whole grapefruit because I got full, but I forced myself to eat all of it. I mean, a grapefruit is only 45 kcal. 

Hope you guys have a good day <3 

Love 

Malin 

Dinner

Hello.

For dinner today I had chicken with mashed broccoli and a salad. It tasted good and I could trick mum that I weren't hungry.

The picture only shows half my portion because I forgot to take a picture before I started to eat :P 

Right now I'm sitting in the couch watching House before aikido. 

Love 

Malin 

Coffee!!!

Hello. 

To get me kicking and warn during my last lesson I bought coffe in the schools café. 

It tasted good, even if it's "fat" milk. By fat I mean it has 3% fat. 

Love 

Malin 

Lunch in snow

Hi. 

It's snowing like hell outside, so I didn't really liked walking to the cafeteria, but I didn't have muck choice. For lunch I had spinach soup. It was ... Okay I guess 

Monday's theme is psychology. I only have psychology lessons on Mondays ... Except English, but I don't really count that as a lesson, because it isn't that hard. 

Starting to get panicked now, it's way to many people in the cafeteria :( :(

Love 

Malin 

Monday :/

Morning. 

I didn't have time to take a picture of my breakfast, but I eat about 1dl plain yogurt with about 10 grams granola. And of course, my coffee. I'm pretty proud that I managed to eat little breakfast without mum noticing:) 

I also weighted myself today. I wighted myself today. I wigh 63,8 kg which is about 0,5 kg less then a week ago :D 

Today is the first day on our knew schedule which means I doesn't end school untill 4 pm and aikido starts at 6, so Monday's will be a little bit stressy for me :/ 

Love

Malin 

Lunch/dinner

Hi. 

To lunch/dinner I had a ceasar salad from McDonalds containing 410 kcal plus dressing containing 150 kcal. 

My plan was to eat half now and half later for dinner, but I watched House while I eat and all of a sudden I had finished the whole of it ... But according to my app I'm allowed to eat 551 kcal more today, so if mum forces me to eat something more it's not the end of the world. 

What's not good is that I can't find out small scale, so if I want to weight something I can't :/

Now I'm gonna take a bath, because I'm freezing before I have to write my book report :/

Love 

Malin 

Honestly last the longest

Hi. 

I hope someone reads this blog, but if not, at least I can get this of my chest.

Everyone I know, except my fiancé Gabbe, thinks I'm totally well from my eating disorder, which is not try. I still fight like hell against all my anorexic thoughts. I still thing I'm fat, looks like hell and I still doesn't want to eat. But I do. I fight against the urge not to eat everyday. After every meal I get anxiety, but I hide it well. I look like I'm happy and I like my body and that I'm totally free from it, but it's a lie, everything is a lie. 

I keep up the facade because I don't want people to start worrying and stuff like that. But I want to look good when we go to Jordan in 4 weeks, so I will be counting  calories until then. But I will try to eat as much as I'm supposed to eat according to my app, which is about 1200 kcal. It's hard, but trying is good enought. 

Love 

Malin 

Hello there!

Hi.

My name is Malin and I'm 18 years old,
On this blogg I will write about my struggles with an eating disorder and a self harm addicition.
I will write about how hard it is to live with an eating disorder, and mostly, how hard it is to get well from it, especially in this word where their is so much presure from the media that you should be slim and thin to fit in and be beautiful.

I already have one blogg where I write about this, but it's in swedish, a very small language and I won't to reach out to the whole world, and thats why I start another blogg where I will write in english. I hope you enjoy it and that it may help someone with similar problems as me.

Love,

Malin